Movie Endings

There is this part of me that is always trying to figure out the end of the movie. While watching I will look for foreshadowing, actors micro expressions, and I take into account what society would accept as a “good” ending. My husband just watches the movie and let’s the story unfold. I have tried to stop the Nancy Drew in me. But, trying to figure it out is part of the fun. 

A couple weeks ago I was so frustrated with God saying to stay at my mom’s house. I want my own home again and I didn’t think this “stay” part would last so long. 

So, I found myself trying to figure out what God’s next step was. Much like I try to figure out what the end of a movie will be. As I brought life’s current options up trying to find out what hubby thinks. He corrected me he said, “If God says  stay I stay.” He isn’t trying to figure out the end, the why God said stay he is just obeying. I find the beautiful to watch and excruciating to do. 

If God said, “I need you to work 80 hour work weeks” I could do that (with the help of coffee). But, God told me to rest and be still. I am convinced this is part of the lesson. But, of course, that is me again trying to figure out what is next not focus on what is now. 

Rest

In my mind it is not possible to be a mom and truly rest. After all there is always something else to do. Something on the list that didn’t get done, a part of the routine that got missed because I ran short on time. 

Somehow I came across Hebrews 4. I think Pastor Robert Morris may have preached on it a couple weeks ago. The header says, “The Promise of Rest”. This shocked me a bit. I never knew God promises us rest. It is a gift from God to us. A gift I don’t allow myself because of all the responsibilities I feel the need to fulfill. 

Today I didn’t know what or where I wanted to read on my God date. So, I just opened the Bible and my eyes feel right on Hebrews 4, again. And I feel it, God is telling me, “you still haven’t learned and accepted my gift.”

What in me makes me so works based? I even qualify my love for my husband based on how much I did for him that day, thankfully he doesn’t hold me to that standard. 

If God rested on the seventh day, what I mean is if even God needed rest, why don’t I allow myself rest?

When I try to rest it feels forced. I can feel my to do list lengthen as the time in the day ticks away. 

 Seems like I am believing the lie, “I don’t deserve rest. I didn’t get enough done today” and then I flip mode and think, “do you know how much I did today?” As if someone owes me. 

Not resting is actually disobedience (Hebrews 4:11)?

Living Wild in Obedience

I keep starting to post then deleting my 2 starting sentences. I just can’t figure out how to summarize all the amazing things God has been doing. I can’t even find the right word for things, because amazing is just not enough, English isn’t enough.

Let me paint a picture of two months ago. I had just given birth to a beautiful little girl. I came home my two story, dated but nice, home in a quiet neighborhood. My husband put me on bed rest and catered to my every need. Neighbors and friends from our Life Group brought us meals. I spent my days cuddling my newborn and watch movies with my 3 other children.

This morning I write this from my current home. I am over 30 and live with my mom. And we live in the hood. At one point we were phone less, car less, and homeless all at the same time. It wasn’t for lack of money. It was because we followed God.

Let’s clarify, I am not blaming God, I am giving him credit. I would have never imagined myself here. I probably would have fought the idea. Come on, who trades a happy life in the burbs for living with their parents in the hood? But, I know I am where God wants me. Even though the worlds eyes see it as a step in the wrong directions. I don’t want the world’s standards.

I am watching myself make decisions based on God’s lead. I am watching God change my wants to match his. I am seeing miraculous healing and communication between my husband and I and my mom and dad. Healing I have prayed for for seven years. I am watching my self, selfishness, step out of the way more than ever before. I am becoming a better daughter, wife, mother. I am watching that grow so fast I can actually see it happening!

Why even bother?

Today I am struggling with, “Why even bother…

… Cooking. He just complains about the food

… Correcting my children. He always says I do it wrong or not enough. 

… Being nice. He just tells me what a horrible person I am what a bad friend I am. 

… Trying to explain myself. He never believes me and tells me why I am always wrong

… Being married. 

Somewhere in me something still is trying to try. But, mostly I want to roll over and let him be “mom”. He doesn’t think I do a good job so why do I keep working, why don’t I quit. I just want to check out physically and mentally. 

So, I know at this moment I am supposed to pull out my note card with Phillipians 4:8. The one that says “Mind Check” that got lost weeks ago. But, it doesn’t need to be here for me to know I am not correcting myself the way I ought. I am supposed to make sure my thoughts are…

True

Noble

Just

Pure

Lovely

Good report 

Is any virtue

There is anything praiseworthy 

These are the things I am supposed to mediate and think on according to ‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬. I am not supposed to focus on how mad I am that the man who taught me I am precious now tells me what an awful person I am. Now, after years of growth. After I can finally see some change and start to like the person I am becoming. I am angry and hurt and selfishly dwelling on negativity. 

God, I am so thankful that you don’t expect or want me to do this on my own. Because, I need you to do this through me. I will do my best to get out of your way. Shutting off my negativity. Praying in tongues instead. Show your love and servants heart through me. 

Slipping and falling and thankful God still loves me and that the Holy Spirit is my comforter. 

If I say, “My foot slips,” Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. (‭Psalms‬ ‭94‬:‭18-19‬ NKJV)

Battle of the Nail Hardener

Welcome to the battle of harder nails. On the left we have Sally Hansen’s Hard as Nails and to the right is Nail Life’s Nail Revitalizer. The rules are simple:

1) My nails get a minimum of one coat a day for 30 days.
2) Equal treatment; if it is time to remove and reapply on one hand I do it on both.
3) No interference. So, no other polishes. So, no pretty colors for awhile :(.

If you want to skip the day by day you can just jump to the summary and winner here.

Day 1: My nails are in worse shape than usual. I got shellac done at the salon. The gal apparently filed my nails paper thin. Nail Revitalizer has been my go to nail hardener. But at about $8 a bottle I wondered if there could be something that works well but is cheaper. Hard as Nails got picked because it was only $3 and easy to find almost everywhere. Because my nails are so thin I painted 4 coats on the first day. I wanted to make them a little thicker so they wouldn’t break.

Day 4: I have been coating my nails everyday with an additional coat. The polish is already flaking. Or, is the right word peeling? Anybody remember Tinkerbell nail polish that peeled up to remove? Yeah, it is like that. I think I need to remove and reapply. The Nail Revitalizer usually lasts a week or more before needing to be redone. Either my nails were in that bad of shape (my money is on that) or it was because of the extra layers on day 1. My nails themselves are flaking pretty badly.

Day 7: I was really hoping the flaking would have gotten better by now. I know you are supposed to judge your nails by the new growth. But I was hoping something would have helped by now.

Day 10: Remove and reapply. Peeling polish on both hands again.

Day 15: I am still having to file my nails really short in order to minimize flaking. Remove and reapply.

Day 19: So I have to admit itthe polish on my nails starts to be a bit annoying when it peels. This last time it started to and I used my teeth to peel it all away. Reapply.

Day 23: Really no change? Also, the Nail Revitalizer is starting to thicken in the bottle and the cap is getting harder to remove

Day 28: Finally my nails are a little thicker. I chock it up to natural growth. I can’t say either nail polish has done any good.

Day 30: Since, I know Nail Revitalizer does do work for my nails I think I better extend this trial. Because it is apparently not long enough to make a difference… Yet.

Day 33: I am bored of the natural nail look. I am ready for a little color in my life.

Day 37: My right hand (Nail Revitalizer) officially, and finally, is flake free. Lefty with the Hard as Nails is definitely doing better than it was. But the edges of 4 nails still have damage from flaking.

Day 39: Sometimes I am a little dingy. I thought Sally Hansen was a lot cheaper. But it comes in a much smaller bottle. The math… Sally Hansen’s Hard as Nails (at Walgreens) $2.99 for .45oz. So the price is $6.64 per ounce. While Nail Life’s Nail Revitalizer (at Sally Beauty Supply) $7.99 for 1.19oz. So the price is $6.71 per ounce. So the difference is Nail Revitalizer cost 7 cents more per ounce and so far it is the only one that has worked.

Day 40: Hard as Nails polish peeling and taking the nail with it. Come on Sally, hard as nails my foot… Well, my finger.

Day 45: We have a winner! Read on for the summary and who won. Sally Hansen’s Hard as Nails (at Walgreens): All 5 nails have pieces of nail missing. My nails are thinner than the other hand. At $6.64 per ounce it is 7 cents per ounce cheaper than Nail Revitalizer. But I would not buy Hard as Nails again. It is no better than a 97 cent clear top coat.

Nail Life’s Nail Revitalizer (at Sally Beauty Supply): I do have one chipped nail on that hand. I am however right handed so that hand should be more likely to break but it has less damage. My nails are definitely thicker on that side. They even seem to grow faster. But that may just be because they aren’t flaking as badly. Either way, it has been my go to in the past and it looks like it is staying that way. It is $6.71 per ounce and worth it.

So the winner is Nail Life’s Revitalizer. And finally I get to paint my nails a color!!!

Dad’s Old T = My Cute Tank

Here is my dad’s old Tshirt. Thanks to my mom who volunteered it.

I turned it inside out. I laid a knit (tshirt material) shirt on top of it that I wanted to copy. It is my sister’s shirt that I have borrowed a zillion times because it looks so cute on me.

Notice when I cut out the new shirt I cut about 1/2 an inch out on sides and armholes. I left that for seam allowance. And I also cut it longer at the hem for the same reason.

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Next, I folded the front in half and copied the neckline. Again cutting about 1/2 an inch extra.
I did the same for the backside.

With the right sides together I pinned the sides and then sewed them a 1/2 inch in.

Around the neckline and armholes stitch 1/8 inch (1/4 is ok if you can’t find 1/8) elastic. To find out what length of elastic you need. Measure the openings length minus 1 in.
(I did not get a picture of this, sorry)

I cut heart shapes out of scrap tshirts. My favorite was a tshirt with sparkles on it that got ripped. You can cut any shape hearts, squares, circles. You can’t really tell what shapes they are afterwards anyway. My shapes were about 2 by 3 inches.

I overlapped the hearts along the neckline. Pinned them down. Then sewed a zig zag line all around the neckline.

And here is my beautiful finished product. The invisible shirt.