Today I am struggling with, “Why even bother…
… Cooking. He just complains about the food
… Correcting my children. He always says I do it wrong or not enough.
… Being nice. He just tells me what a horrible person I am what a bad friend I am.
… Trying to explain myself. He never believes me and tells me why I am always wrong
… Being married.
Somewhere in me something still is trying to try. But, mostly I want to roll over and let him be “mom”. He doesn’t think I do a good job so why do I keep working, why don’t I quit. I just want to check out physically and mentally.
So, I know at this moment I am supposed to pull out my note card with Phillipians 4:8. The one that says “Mind Check” that got lost weeks ago. But, it doesn’t need to be here for me to know I am not correcting myself the way I ought. I am supposed to make sure my thoughts are…
Is any virtue
There is anything praiseworthy
These are the things I am supposed to mediate and think on according to Philippians 4:8. I am not supposed to focus on how mad I am that the man who taught me I am precious now tells me what an awful person I am. Now, after years of growth. After I can finally see some change and start to like the person I am becoming. I am angry and hurt and selfishly dwelling on negativity.
God, I am so thankful that you don’t expect or want me to do this on my own. Because, I need you to do this through me. I will do my best to get out of your way. Shutting off my negativity. Praying in tongues instead. Show your love and servants heart through me.
Slipping and falling and thankful God still loves me and that the Holy Spirit is my comforter.
If I say, “My foot slips,” Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. (Psalms 94:18-19 NKJV)